Financial Gourmet Gifts

Chicago School of Home Economics

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Build Your Own Portfolio

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

The Main Types of Cheese

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

To do before Saturday...

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Cheese

Budget Bureau. Ernie, spilling something from every food group on it, does not make it a "balanced" budget!

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'Is this still America?'

Holiday Supplies

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

"The bagels are better in New York."