Financial Firebrand Gifts

What exactly do you wish to punch him on the nose about, sir?

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"My making two million a year, …. It doesn't make me seem 'Mannish', does it?"

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'This is where we go to get away from it all. . . except for Stanley's money.'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

Born to raise interest rates.

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy!'

'Your three o'clock cancelled, we're still awaiting the Parson verdict, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

Policing women's vigil

"Let me level with you. I am a lecherous, incompetent, alcoholic, overpaid, sexist senior executive. The company has put me in your way to test your countervailing potential."

First United Church of Outrageously Overlimited Credit Card Holders

Overdraft limit.

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

I am billing, therefore I am.

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'Wait a minute....!

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'Then one day Ralph decided there isn't anything more important than money, and became a day trader.'

'My micro is so good it's beginning to grow into the macro.'

'Watch your step, counselor; I can go from zero to bitch in 3.2 seconds.'

Kicking The Habit

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

'Inadvertently, Optometrist Niles Frobe triggers the Global Financial crisis' 'You have a bad case of eyestrain. I want you to keep your eyes off the ball for a few weeks!'

'Very nice, but I was hoping they'd be a little bit more obscene.'

'We need to schedule an autopsy audit to find out what happened here.'

'This is where the company started handing out sick bags!'

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

'Pep's finance' man confused and scared of 'Real estate', 'Gold' etc