Financial Feeler Gifts

"I'm not sure which hurts more - unrequited love or unrequited money."

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps. They've obviously never seen my investment portfolio.

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Fan-Centric Stadium

"Goodbye cruel world."

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

'That's much better.'

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

"I hate it when he makes snow angels in his bonus."

Investments: Still Open to New Investors - 'A fool & his money fund.'

'I wonder if I can declare you as dependents on my income taxes?'

"By now, you've probably noticed that around here, money talks and you-know-what walks!"

"He put the 'fun' in funding."

What's 'Bitcoin'?

Ukraine War Clouds

"All in favor of a cap on our liability?"

Sale. Grocery. Finland is the most populous nation on earth. Time to sell my stock portfolio --- a "market correction" is coming.

'Im going to invest all your pension money in cat nip!'

"Our firm doesn't have any money problems to speak of. Just lack of money problems."

Is this money for booze?

"We've isolated your disease, Mrs. Grosenik. We can proceed as soon as we isolate your checkbook."

Student Loan Shark

Colloso-Corp. Do you want our "generally accepted accounting practices" to show a profit or loss last quarter? (Published previously on Feb. 13, 2002.)

OK, we do the annual report as a graphic novel, but only if I don't have to read it.'

"Medical science hasn't come up with a pill specifically for 'stock market jitters."

"There's more to being a pensions adviser than just handling the figures..."