Financial Crime Specialist Gifts

"If we're the Serious Fraud Squad, how come we're looking for funny money?"

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Tax evasion is like a cancer, it's growing exponentially!"

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"I suppose you're all wondering why I called this meeting today."

'This is our Greek debt, this is our Spanish debt, and this is our Portuguese debt...'

IRS Audit Section

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

'That's part of the reason for our problem. We lost the key to the door.'

"Doesn't look good. The boss just changed his Facebook status to 'Fleeing the country with hookers and compnay 401k plan.'"

'Whose idea was it to use enron as a benchmark?'

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"Hi, I'm Bob Darrel. I'm here to perform the audit of your books. Don't mind the vultures. They follow me everywhere."

"You have been specially selected to upload your bank details. Offer ends midnight."

'When we come back we'll talk to a man who made a fortune on Wall Street and almost got away with it.'

"We need to discuss your expense account."

"You never saw a tax haven. Now look into this light.

Fake Counterfeit Money

"Yes, we're a letterbox company. How can I help you?"

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract..."

Industrial Injuries Benefit.

"How can our Russian affiliate be losing money? I thought that country was out of the red."

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

"Forget the bloody glove for a moment; ignore all the arguments about the DNA evidence and try to remember that this case, after all, is about securities violations."

"Of course he's smiling, he spent all the company profits before he died."