Financial Crime Investigator Gifts

Fraud Squad

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

'Crisis'

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

"Tax evasion is like a cancer, it's growing exponentially!"

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

'Then my brother said he'd like to bury the hatchet...'

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

"I suppose you're all wondering why I called this meeting today."

IRS Audit Section

'This is our Greek debt, this is our Spanish debt, and this is our Portuguese debt...'

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

"He did it!"

"Doesn't look good. The boss just changed his Facebook status to 'Fleeing the country with hookers and compnay 401k plan.'"

CSI Wonderland. (Photographer takes a picture of a cracked Humpty Dumpty. Investigators collect evidence from the scene.)

Bribery and Corruption.

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

"They've solved the cause of death of Richard III."

Newton's Law and Order.

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

Police man stands guard at a murder scene in Egyptology department of a museum.

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."