Financial Crime Follower Gifts

'What's your money doing on the Virgin Islands?'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

"This just in... All new Euro notes are to be printed on Greece-proof paper."

Shares Nosedive

'U.S. stocks surged on news that the government they all hate won't go out of business.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

The euro as a monster

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

The market went up and down, up and down, up and down...

"Today, stocks dropped on news the new federal reserve chief, Janet Yellen, is a 'rookie'."

'Stocks soared on news a financial lobbyist wants 'greed' dropped as one of the cardinal sins.'

Three businessmen looking up at the euro wobbling on a tree waiting for it to fall

"Your Board has decided to downsize its commitment to honesty and integrity by around 35% of the fiscal year."

Financial crisis and layoffs

"I'm going out to keep consumer spending in line with Wall Street expectations."

Fraud Squad

"If we're the Serious Fraud Squad, how come we're looking for funny money?"

'Honey, I swear, I wasn't out wallstreeting!'

Good day at the office?

'Greenspan was back for a guest appearance. He didn't say it's gonna be a bear market. He said it's a beware market!'

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

"Is this an upturn or another calm before the storm?"

"You know how to whistle, don't you? Just pick up the phone and call the S.E.C."

"And I was all like - severed head in a sack? What severed head in a sack?"

"Pretty good turnout for a Monday."

"The real money is in not getting caught."

"Hello, police? I don't normally do this, but this looks like a very suspicious mole..."

'Lady G., I think you should know ol' Warren B.'s holding period is forever.'

"Analysts blamed the market's volatility on computer-directed trading while computers blamed it on analyst-directed trading."

'Charles, I want you to meet Joel. You have lots in common. He also thinks he knows how to time the market.'

". . . but, it will be great to see the old gang."