Financial Advice Seekers Gifts

'...And then, my income and outgo collided!'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

Annual profits,

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

'I know you're looking for a safe investment but have you ever heard of anyone getting wealthy investing in a bank account?'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'This graph may need some explaining...'

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

'According to this, you owe $57.32 in late fees for the book 'Getting By on a Shoestring Budget'.'

'You know, you can do this all online now.'

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

Accountant Bedtime Stories

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

'The good news is that we're making huge profits - the bad news is that we won't be getting a bailout.'

"I'm a good risk for a business loan because I put 110% effort into my business."

Get a Job

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

Portfolio, 2011

Snowflake Investments...penny stocks, junk bonds: 'Here today, gone tomorrow!'