Finance-savvy Family Gifts

"Papi, do we have enough net financial assets to meet essential living expenses for nine months if our source of income disappears?"

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"Dad, this is Wendy, she's going to re-negotiate my allowance!"

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

'That's my boy...'

"I don't have time for piggy banks. Can't I just buy an ATM?"

Saving for Retirement.

Hell, "I think there's been some sort of mistake, I still owe my soul to the mortgage company"

'I know about the birds and the bees. Can you tell me about making a bundle trading derivatives?'

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

'I hardly expected the federal tapering affect my allowance.'

"Now, Mr. Lindsay. About this non-profit organization you head."

'A 7 load? Do you think I was born yesterday? Oh, wait, I was.'

'I'm about to say my prayers, Dad. Do you want more pocket money too?'

Sunshine Retirement Villa: Pool, Golf, Tennis and Financial Planner.

Absolutely No Credit

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

'Is my allowance an unfunded liability?'

"You were the one who said we couldn't afford a new vacuum, so stop moaning and suck harder!"

'Any annuity we can afford wouldn't pay the MILK BILL!'

"It's cut my heating bills right down."

"Why doesn't the budget ax ever fall in the produce department?"

"The Chancellor insists on people getting 'advice' on what to do with their pension ports if they cash them in."

"I hate to ask for money, but I have a lot of student loans to pay off."

"Harold, have you reaped huge gains that you have not told me about?"

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

"Don't complain to your dad about your student loans. He's still paying his off."

"How do you make any money?"

'The good news is that the person who stole your identity is spending a lot less money than you were.'

"We put you through day-care. You're on your own now."

'We don't have the money for everyone to go, and, well, our luggage has never been to the Bahamas before...'

"Actually, living well on his money is the best revenge."

"Someone forgot to pay this bill so they're repossessing our furniture."