Finance Humor Appreciator Pillows

'Bain Capital? Never heard of it. Foreign accounts? What are those?'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Will work for ETFs

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

Out of control

"At least we're consistent ... "

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

The Decline of the Euro.

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

In case of falling markets break glass.

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'