Finance Freebie Gifts

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

"Dad, wouldn't my allowance be better off earning interest in a tax free municipal bond fund?"

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

Complementary Beverages

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"...And this is Mable, who will assist me with the billing."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"That was a rumor day."

"We're wasting our time. He gets them free at work."

'J.B., there's not enough ROI on the IPO, YTD.'

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

'My mother sent down some chicken soup to see if that will help.'

"Yow! Thank goodness you've kept costs on a short leash!"

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'Till debt do us part...'

"That 'give it away free' strategy certainly worked well."

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

"AI tsumoney"

Finance Sector: Art of Rain Making.

Stockmarket investor's trays 'Up' and 'Down'.

'I've heard of cooking the books... but how did you rotisserie them and why?'

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

'My Dad won't let me tell what I did on my summer vacation...he doesn't want anyone to know where he set up his offshore bank accounts.'