Film Marketer Gifts

Mega-Corp Pictures. How should we promote the disaster movie about a disease epidemic? A viral campaign.

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Dressed for Success!

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'