Figure Of Speech Fanatic Gifts

'Not as easy as it looks?"

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

"We need to do something about excessive admin. I want you to fill out one of these forms every time you think you're doing some."

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

Hanging off every word...

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

The Quotable Ben Franklin. To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals. And not flying thy kite during thunderstorms might help, too!

When a speaker says '...to make a long story short,' you've already been there 3 hours.

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

Sales

Street painter puts real face on man with happy face.

Otto von Bismarck

"Apricot pit?! Are you kidding, Mister? This stuff knocks raw avocado and almond nut outta the water!!!"

"I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman but, hang on a minute, I'm pretty sure I have the heart and stomach of a king, too..."

'Is it okay if I'm represented by counsel on open-school night?'

Phonetic Man

"Oh I don't work here, I just love filling out forms."

'I know you're tired of hearing the same old political cliches, but I believe in recycling.'

"Now to file 50 million completed Census forms"

'Eleven foot poles - For things you wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole...'

The New Simplified Tax Return!...Step 1: Calculate income from all sources...Step 2: Send it.

Only a handful of people are this small.

"You'd have thought they'd have all slept with each other by now."

Ask Sadie. And now a real letter from an actual reader. Dear Sadie, You are infinitely wise and stately. You are a mix of Princess Di, Clint Eastwood, Einstein, and Michelle Obama. I, on the other hand, am such a loser. Do you have any advice? Signed, Rudy Park. Where to begin? I did not. The media does as it pleases.

Standup Dictator

'Nothing beats that Procedure Form C4/34.2FF6932 completion feeling...'

'Sir, the coffee request form you requested is now three, federal, state and local;'

"It's to stop Americans getting in if Trump's elected."

1998: A Look Back - January & February

Cyril Fletcher

Blind Date...

"You're taking things too literally when I say leave everything in the ring."

'What GPs don't appreciate is that if you don't have middle managers to oversee forms like the 566c4-566 then you wouldn't even KNOW how many 566c4-566s have been filled out.'