Field Expert Gifts

A Vet? I had you picked in advertising.

Pull the udder one

The Jeopardy of Progress

'The circle is complete!'

The Velvet Mesquite

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'Since the playing field was sold off we've become a centre of excellence for one-a-side football.'

Clandestine cows.

'Will you stop! You know that freaks me out!'

"Sir, what is your position on the issue of banana control?"

'Dirty binoculars?! You mean I wasted 30 years studying what I thought was the rare spotted rhino?'

Home Heating Oil

World hunger

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

"The economy's terrible. I can't find anything in my field." "What field are you in?"

'Sir, we've drilled so deep this time that we've reached Arab oil.'

'Don't give up Albert - one of these cans has to have tuna in it!'

Lady studying chimps, chimp studying lady.

"What qualifies you to be a ballistics expert?"

Hazards of field research.

"We quickly realized it was fruitless trying to compete, so now we work together and sell blended wool..."

'This is one way to 'round-'em-up!'

Ocotillo

'I Egret that I will have to decline.'

Effective farming.

"You've got to help me, Tom... my garden is out of control!"

"I pledge allegiance to the flag...oh sorry, to honour and obey...on no that's not it..I name this ship.."

'This one's extremely rare - pass me the ether jar!'

The Pinon Pine

"The black flies go away when the mosquitoes show up."

"Eww! A tick!"

Tree Hair

"As a forensic psychologist, it's my opinion that the defendant is not a risk to the public. Any more passive-aggressive questions?"