Fibber's Counselor Pillows

'I can explain the whole thing! I was just lying!'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

"I have 25 patients in my counselling group...Mrs Sherman, Mr Martin, and Mr Martins 23 other personalities."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

So doctor, what you're saying is that all the time I thought she was a crazy cat lady, it was me who had mental health issues...

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'I'll have three of those trout, but throw them to me. . . I want to tell the wife I caught them.'

"The thing is we lived in L.A.,...we never even needed mittens!"

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'If he wants your opinion... I'll give it to him!'

Off the wall legal advisor.

"Death, death, death! That's all he ever talks about!"

Non Compos Mantis

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

Your eyelids are growing heavy … No, wait … Better yet, your lips are growing heavy … !!!

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disciplines you, counselor. No problem, your honor. I just happen to have some furry handcuffs in my pocket.

"I hate my mood swings."

Beach psychiatrist.

Lawyer practical joke: 'DISBAR ME' taped on back.

Kid on the way to pricipal's office see a girl in the hall with a stand setup to give legal advice.

'...but if it's a business trip why are you taking your fly pole?'

"You lied to us. You said you had six years experience."

"The D's stand for 'dandy,' Mom, and the C means 'copacetic.'"

No Frills Psychiatrist.

The short attention span support group will be meeti...

"Don't believe a word he says, he told me that his sister is 150 and has just gone out dancing. WITH HER FATHER!"

'The hounds had me wounded and cornered: Of course I got angry!'

"Let me see you look me in the eye and deduct that?"

'You know, Eno, it's ok if you lie a little on your online dating profile.'