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Simon Lord Lovat.

Dorothy, the lion, and the scarecrow, are suddenly confronted by the tin man of Oz.

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'In future a reg number will suffice, ok.'

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'

"For goodness sake brother. Haven't you finished that note to the milkman yet?"

'Good morning! Lawyer, lawyers and more lawyers! Who may we sue for you!'

'What's my fortune then?!

'It's Sir Galahad - Take your umbrella and walking boots, the white charger's gone in for a de-coke.'

'Forget about the Holy Grail for now - I want you to look for weapons of mass destruction.'

Civil and In-Civil Court

Monster on horizon warning sign.

'You are charged with getting involved in the political process....'

'Honey, this lawyer says that if you call now, all of your problems will magically disappear and he'll throw in a free pen if you call in the next 5 minutes!'

'Amazing what you can do on photo-shop - that doesn't look anything like him!'

'Well, the joke's on me - it turns out that the King pardoned you twelve years ago!'

'Well, no Henderson, I said para legals.'

'Give it up, Coondog! You can't win a stare-down with a zombie!'

'After you,dear!'

"You've got someone's shirt caught on your left horn."

"I'm nostalgic for the print media."

Canadian PM, Stephen Harper, and Queen Elizabeth II.

New Milks

"Permission to treat the witness as hostile, your honor?"

'They figure that if they're giving us adult prison sentences they also have to give us adult sized prison garb.'

"I was just wondering, Mr. Parker, when you planned to come by and pick up Mrs. Parker?"

'I don't know if I should hand over my bonus to my wife, my wife's lawyer or AIG.'

'And since you're a public figure, you have the right to apologize and get away with it.'

'You know it's true what they say, Larry: Hell hath no fury like a potato scorned.'

Keep off the Grass.