Festive Period Aficionado Gifts

"We don't make toys any more. I send the elves to buy them in China."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

Yo ho ho!

"Hmm. The lights are on, but nobody's home..."

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

Christmas sweater alternatives

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

'And that,and that,and that...'

Festive squad

The other days of the year...

Merry Kissmas

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

A Christmas tree self portrait

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

Back to the Holidays

"Normally after 365 years we'd be looking at a better figure, but not when you've only worked one day a year!"

Are we human or are we Dancer, Prancer, Comet and Vixen

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

There's no place like Ho-Ho-Home

Great Moment in North Pole History

Elf of the Month

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'