Festive Aficionados Gifts

"October? Already?"

A field of Christmas baubles

'How will the current economic situation affect the quality and quantity of my presents?'

The history of the Christmas cracker.

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

"Let's see. . . did I spend the same on little Jimmie as I did on Susie?...."

Lesbian civil partnership.

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

'We would like an unspoiled paradise, but with lots of shops.'

Yo ho ho!

"Hmm. The lights are on, but nobody's home..."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

Christmas sweater alternatives

"Gesundheit!"

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

'And that,and that,and that...'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

The other days of the year...

A Christmas tree self portrait

Merry Kissmas

Festive squad

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

There's no place like Ho-Ho-Home