Festive Performer Gifts

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

School Christmas Concert.

Five Gold Rings

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

"We'll see how it goes. It's Santa's first year with the genetically modified deer."

Classic Emojis for sale.

Bad gifts

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

'Oh, Christ.'

Safe Christmas.

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

'And the Angel of the Lord said unto them, 'Go fill all thy shops with overpriced tat, stuff thyselves sill for four months and see if thou canst get away with calling it Christmas.'

Birthday Painting

Xmas

'Where were you on the night of October 31st?'

'Sorry - I left the naughty kid files on the train.'

'Take that off, Fuller. You're scaring the hell out of everyone!'

"Remember now, this is for your Birthday AND for Christmas!"

"Kids on the right, elves on the left."

"Hope you have got a good retirement plan, old man?"

'Of course I believe in Santa. Just not a publicly funded one.'

Congregation

Carolling

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

'no, they're not playing our song - they're playing your song.'

Elf

"The knees are the first to go."