Festive Artist Gifts

Elf Portrait

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Christmas Presents.

Bad gifts

"We'll see how it goes. It's Santa's first year with the genetically modified deer."

Classic Emojis for sale.

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'Oh, Christ.'

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

'Well, hello, Mr. Christmas!'

Safe Christmas.

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Santa hosing the Chimney.

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

'And the Angel of the Lord said unto them, 'Go fill all thy shops with overpriced tat, stuff thyselves sill for four months and see if thou canst get away with calling it Christmas.'

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...except Bert who had a weak bladder!

"O Holy night - Aye! The stars are brightly shining - YUH!"

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

C.P.A.

"Well, if you expect me to be good, you'll have to bring me something better than the rubbish I got last year!"

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."