Festive Gatherings Gifts

'I think I preferred the old office parties.'

'It seems we have one more spot at the grown ups' table. Who's it gonna be?'

"I've come as my vaccine passport."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

'This is the last time we spend Christmas with your parents!'

Christmas.

Festive Fizz?

"Is it 'Goldfinger...?'"

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

Christmas Tree

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

Elfie Stick

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Dick was the kind of guy who wanted everyone to know it was his birthday.

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

Barbecued dessert, anyone? The coals are PERFECT now!

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

The devil you know and his plus one

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

The prying mantis,

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."