Festive Futurists Gifts

Santa's GPS not only tells him the best route to take around the world, but also who's been naughty or nice.

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

"I don't believe in you!"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"We'll see how it goes. It's Santa's first year with the genetically modified deer."

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

"That's Bridgeport from legal, he's got the consent forms."

"This year let's choose a Christmas card design that reflects the situation the country is in. Let's go for a design that says: Bah humbug!"

'After talking to him. it's clear our only hope for a bonus this year is Santa Claus.'

"We need to complain to Earth's tech leaders about going wireless."

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."

"Kids now program their robots to do their trick-or-treating for them. There's a thin line between ingenuity and laziness."

Santa Claus Always Delivers

"The year may be over, but it'll be dragged back up on history tests for years to come."

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

"So, Mr. Claus, there IS a Virginia!"

Xmas Labour Shortage

"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"

'Houston..Er..I don't know how to tell you this..'

'Well it was a pretty good year.'

"All I know is that some of the best Christmas presents I've ever gotten have come from secular humanists."

'I'm facing unemployment! The world is running out of nice kids!'

"Mom, if nothing in life is free, how do you explain Christmas presents?"

"I'm looking for something that expresses the spirit of the season but doesn't neglect the need for a credible deterrent."

'I thought we'd go for a digital tree this year.'

"It's a list of tariffs to be paid"