Festive Feast Organizer Pillows

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

Santa Claus's Mail

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

North Pole twinned with Amazon

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Tia Carmen, if you had a bucket list, what would you put in it?"

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

"Now that everyone's in...how do we get the food?"

'It's the LAST time I volunteer to organise the staff Christmas meal, I've spent three days trying to find a 'traditional' lacto-vegan Christmas menu.'

"As your CPA, I would recommend you count the number of eggs before you hide them."

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

Santa School.

"Wow, the literary life is exhausting! Just when I finish 'What I Did On My Summer Vacation,' I need to begin my 'What I Want For Christmas' list!"

Catering for a large family.

'Ta Da! A brand new set of festive outdoor dinnerware for all my summer entertaining!!'

"We think it's terribly important that you meet the people responsible for the food you're eating tonight."

"We had this last year."

'What are you doing here? It's only November.'

"People seem to be saying, Christmas is early, much earlier than they did last year."

Halloween next exit. . . Thanksgiving, 27 days. . . Christmas, 54 days.

Wife leaving note 'midnight mass' on husbands distended stomache as she leaves house.

Too full after after Christmas dinner!

"The holiday season always puts me in the mood to plan a tropical vacation."

"Oh my, I've really fallen behind on the paperwork."