Feast Coordinator Pillows

"What are you cooking for Thanksgiving, Tia Carmen?"

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'Hey, hey, hey!'

"Not guilty?"

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Tia Carmen, if you had a bucket list, what would you put in it?"

New Year's Eve party for dogs

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

The Aisle

Wisely, many wedding planners are hiring refs to monitor the bouquet toss.

'...Just because you hired me doesn't mean I have to entertain.'

"Now that everyone's in...how do we get the food?"

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!

"You owe me £50. I told you that he didn't have the nerve not to turn up!"

Eurocopa 2016

A pirate and a bride

Title page from 'The Scouring of the White Horse'.

'I'm afraid turn out isn't as high as we'd expected...three of them misheard the date, five got the time wrong and everyone from marketing went to a hotel in Norwich by mistake.'

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

Tenafly International Film Festival

Santa School.

"What do you mean hot dog is out sick?—but I'll look stupid all by myself!"

Happy New Year

'Finally, I'd like to thank the bridesmaids...wait a minute: wrong speech!'