Feast Planner Pillows

"Now that everyone's in...how do we get the food?"

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

What's with this feast your brought me? I'm shocked that you would ask me that. Can't a person do something nice for someone she loathes more than death itself without having her motives challenged? Can't a person prepare a feast for her arch-nemesis without being suspected of lacing it with extra-strength horse laxatives? Should've asked you before I ate most of it. Can I get you a carrot, Mister Ed? Munch mun-

What're you doing for Thanksgiving, little buddy? Having a huge party. It'll be full of turkey, cranberry sauce, wine, eggnog, football, and friends and family who love me dearly. Oh, good. I was afraid you'd be alone all day playing video games. "Turkey Slaughter VI" is no ordinary game. You're coming to my place.

"If that's all the game thee found, it will have to do. Maybe next year we will find something more suitable for the feast!"

"When you thank god for this meal, put in a good word for your mother too."

Santa Claus's Mail

Airlines

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

Mr. Punch in Venice

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

Margarita

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

Italia tours

Heading off with a packed bag

'I hear there is a mighty big turkey in these woods.'

"He wanted a heavily decorated cake for his birthday."

'My secret? Stay away from Halloween candy.'

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

"This one is perfect for Thanksgiving. It comes prestained in cranberry sauce, gravy and pumpkin pie."

North Pole twinned with Amazon

"I know it’s a challenge, but it needs your input!" "...Your breadth of knowledge of different interest groups, religions...cultures!" "Right, so the staff Christmas meal will be a traditional lacto-vegan one at a Thai restaurant sometime in March?" "Do you think the Pagans will be OK with that?"

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

"Tia Carmen, if you had a bucket list, what would you put in it?"

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

Man on beach realizes laying down flattens his stomach

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

'Hold it...I've go a reprieve from the Governor!'

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

'We must have everything... this is all that's left!'