Festive Environmentalist Pillows

'We'd like to speak with you about your coal policy.'

'Reindeer must now be fitted with the government approved CZ1 catalytic converter to reduce methane emissions.'

"I wanted a solar panel not a polar flannel."

'Oh, that reminds me. And the polar ice caps: I want them to stop melting.'

Rudolph goes green (compact flourescent nose)

While Santa's Hybrid Sled has made environmentalists and animal rights activists happy, there isn't much room left for toys.

'I'm dreaming of a green Christmas, with every recycled Christmas card I write...'

Acid Rain joke

"Our next delegate will update us on the state of the polar ice caps."

"Sorry, Rudolph, but the production on electric reindeers and their batteries gives work to thousands of children while you destroy the climate with your farts."

Queen of Upcycling!

'No, dear. I don't think the star on the Christmas tree will implode, and suck our living room into a black hole.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Bad gifts

"Just as I feared. Tariffs."

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

There IS a Santa Claus.

'So, there really is a Higgs Boson?'

It was brighter than most, and Biggins allowed himself a quiet smile as he contemplated the immense speeds involved as it burned itself up in the atmosphere...

"Smile if you're guilty!"

"I never expected to collide into you!"

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"The year may be over, but it'll be dragged back up on history tests for years to come."

"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

Xmas Labour Shortage

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

'Well it was a pretty good year.'