Festive Curator Gifts

'Twas St. Nick in a sleigh with a big red sombrero. He came rushing along like a crazy bombero.

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

The Kitchen area of a Whitechapel Boarding House

Frosting the Snowman

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

Yo ho ho!

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Redecorating Easter Island.

Person carrying balloons and plants.

Bad gifts

"We'll see how it goes. It's Santa's first year with the genetically modified deer."

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

Classic Emojis for sale.

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

Merry Kissmas

'Well, it's about time!'

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

"Pull over, Rudolph! We'll have to charge the electric sleigh again..."

Elf of the Month

Safe Christmas.

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Museum of Mediocre Art.

'I feel so much safer with an air marshal on board.'

"I keep thinking it's Christmas."

"Why the hell aren't you writing all this down?"