Festival Going Gifts

'Got any grass?'

'And this is our National Debt Red. It's deep, long-lasting, and we know there's going to be a lot of interest.'

The less popular burning tongue festival

"I'd give that one a miss. It's reached the pyramid stage."

Glastonbury. After.

Pete Townshend Vineyards

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Mardi Gras

Cariactures

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

A Guide to Balloon Animals

6 Brothers Falafel

Bacchus.

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"Well, that's the only song we know, so we can play it another two or three times, or we can cut our losses. Waddya say, Cleveland?"

"Ours is not a creative clan."

Happy Easter

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

Country Bumpkin.

Rainbow Quartet

Chano Pozo,

No time for sirtaki now, Greece!

'This is my kind of place. You knock bottles off a table with a baseball and get a prize instead of time-out!'

Clown Face Painting

Quartet.

Dancing at the Clubs.

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

4 Reasons People Love Oktoberfest

"Would the owner of the 1985 Ford station wagon, license plate METAL-1, please move your car so that the ice-cream truck can get through?"

'I was there, man - I didn't see you around.'

'Why is the guitarist doing a Jack Sparrow impression?'

Ray Davies

Earth Mother

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'