Feminist Humor Lover Pillows

"Have you got the time?", "No I've got the money."

Do you think Hillary Clinton's going to run? I really hope she does. You're into politics? No, I'm just practicing. The ladies dig a man who's secure enough that he wouldn

Introducing Lady Doritos

Woman changes restroom door sign, from WOMEN to NO MEN!

'I love it, grandma! Thank you for the thong quilt!'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Larry's used art

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Grace For Flies

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Why do they do that?"

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

"States of tofu"

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

Fly Football

Beach con-man.

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings