Feline Psychologist Gifts

"Is listening to her talk about her feelings worth a tiny can of tuna?"

Licensed Therapist

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Dog Nightmares

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

PET THEORIES

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"Such a refreshing day...I've spent 18 hours between napping and comatose."

'Hard to follow...'

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

'Don't look at me!'

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'