Feeding Children Pillows

"I hate airplane food!"

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

City Zoo: Day Care

I like the Jets...I guess

Wildlife

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

Santa Claus's Mail

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"Whales eat billions of tiny shrimp-like creatures called krill. The krill are free but whales spend a fortune on dental floss."

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

No caption (A young bald eagle plays a claw game full of fish as his parent stands behind him).

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"Look, a bug!"

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

"And this is our media room."

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

Boy with a whale: 'He followed me home, Dad, can I keep him?'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"That'll be five bucks."

Updated Nursery Rhyme #27.

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

SALE

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

How about going easy on the carbs

"Mom probably wouldn't buy us one, but you have to learn to make your own choices, Dad."