Feed Follies Pillows

'First give me the food - then you get the egg.'

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"They always throw us stale bread, so I've decided to bake my own, fresh break..."

'So this is goodbye then!'

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"Yes, I'm sure some child in Brussels won't starve if you eat his sprouts."

Local, free-range bug juice.

"The hardest thing about learning to tumble is the floor."

'Look...it's almost empty! Those pesky birds need to quit stealin' the food out of this squirrel feeder!'

'Are you trying to tell me that neither of you get penalty rates for the 2 a.m feed?'

"For regurgitated food, it's great, but the presentation..."

101 uses of a dead cat: rollerskates

"Eat those veggies or I'll change the wifi password."

'Ketchup? You know that's an insult to the chef, right?'

Cat wakes up owner demanding to be fed.

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

"You're overfeeding that baby."

"Ewww – Cabernet with tuna fish?"

'Sometimes I think I spoil this dog'

"Does state game law require me to tag him?"

'I'm looking for the perfect coffee to pair with a toaster strudel & a banana.'

A man and a woman on a date have a fish head and tail for dinner.

'I don't know why but these guys are fascinated with me...'

"But how do you know my sprouts aren't contaminated with novichok?"

"Oh God, I forgot to ask if anybody had lard issues."

'Let's step outside - I don't want her to hear this.'

'I won the lottery, but lost it all in tech stocks.'

"I know it's psychological, but me, I can't eat millipedes! The thought of all these dirty feet creeps me out..."

'The stock market was grumpy today because it got up on the wrong side of the Fed.'

"What you need to watch is the snacking between frenzies."

Servant leaving employment because he claims not to have enough butcher's meat