Foodie Folly Pillows

"Oh God, I forgot to ask if anybody had lard issues."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

'My French is not so good.'

"He's a fussy eater."

"Every time my wife has an accident in the kitchen, I end up eating it. . ."

"Sous vide hot dog round, dehydrated generic bun dust, sweet relish foam, ketchup tuile."

I've got to run to my job interview! Do I have spinach between my teeth?

Man walks into a restaurant with a sign saying "Billy Bob's Diner - We don't let the federal government tell us what to do with our tainted beef".

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

'I spent the afternoon over a $500 lunch explaining how bad business is.'

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

What do you mean it's not vegetarian? The maggots all jump out...

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

"Mother's deviling the Easter eggs. Is that sacrilegious?"

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

"We don't need menus. Just pick the healthiest dish you have and give it to us deep fried."

A man and a woman on a date have a fish head and tail for dinner.

'You would forget the doggie bag!'

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

'How many times did I tell you 'Don't eat the free samples given out on the street!'?'

'He's messing with my mind. He ordered a plain donut and a chocolate bagel with sprinkles.'

Dining Infraction, Too Much Tabouli on the Tie!

"A tip?... Yes, I'll give you a tip. Never eat here, the service is terrible!"

"It's horrible. Well, I share my food...on social media."

Man faced with a fridge full of food can't find the dinner left for him by his wife

'Not only our fishcakes, Granny Cora herself was recalled. She's not really a Granny.'

A man's instant camera picture falls into his soup.

Servant leaving employment because he claims not to have enough butcher's meat

"You need to disable cookies and pizza and ice cream and..."

"I don't really need to avoid gluten, but I feel it's a popular concern with broad appeal we can all share."

'The food in here does taste like home cooking - I'm not leaving a tip!'