Feathered Humorist Pillows

Sorry

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Family with pets.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Glance Exchange

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

bird interprets modern art

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

"The Eggsorcist"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"How about a hand."

Why would birdie need newspaper?

"It's just a tree."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

Man about dog parasailing: 'He's a water dog and a birder.'

"Someone's sending us a tweet...it says 'more seed, please!'"