Feathered Humorist Pillows

Sorry

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"The Eggsorcist"

Glance Exchange

bird interprets modern art

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

Family with pets.

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

Man about dog parasailing: 'He's a water dog and a birder.'

"It's just a tree."

Why would birdie need newspaper?

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"How about a hand."

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth