Feast Defender Pillows

Andy is visited by the Ghost of Thanksgiving Future.

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

Boy defends his last fry.

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

Dec. 26

NSA is coming to town.

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

"He said, 'Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?' I thought that meant steer."

U.S Airspace missile detection meets Santa

'Hey you take that outside.'

'C'mon. Just a few counties can't hurt.'

"Mum, I think Grandad's run out of batteries."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, the menu clearly says 'Death by Chocolate'."

Mum ices cake with 'hands off'.

"How married are you to 'Merry Christmas' in the title?"

Ginger Breadman

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

Christmas Newspapers

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

'...I still the the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top!'

'Mister, I'm an organized labour, and if you don't want to hire me just because I'm no Reindeer, I'll sue you because of discrimination!'

A thanksgiving dinner in a boxing ring

It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. Yeah, how come you haven't said "Merry Christmas" yet? Oh, that's because I was hoping to provoke every who's upset about the so-called "war on Christmas" to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don't think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace. You're welcome, America. Why haven't you played "Jingle Bells" yet?

Doris turns to crime

Weight Loss Clinic. Dieting is just a matter of following the path of feast resistance.