Fearless Flood Fighter T-Shirts

"Hargrove, what's all this I hear about your living in constant fear of the polar ice caps melting?"

"We'll always have Paris..."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

'...and the property lies in a beautiful valley by the banks of the river...'

'Expecting a bit of wet weather Reg...?'

'Two pencils approach Noah's ark.'

Noah wears hearing protection as animals howl.

"We have to recognise that severe weather events are becoming more common. . ."

'I've been plagued with worry over rising water levels, so...'

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

"Yes, Mr. Willis, it's definitely rising damp."

Climate Change Contingency House

"....rather than spend millions on a potentially fruitless effort to avoid flooding we've decided to focus on public safety!"

Damp? Only when the tide is very, very high.

"When the rubber duck reaches eye level it's a flood. . . wow, brilliant!"

'Do you suppose we might qualify for asylum in Holland?'

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

Chelsea flower show sewage

'It's the Environment Agency. They're sending a leaflet on how to grow gills.'

"It was a professional hit..."

'If you can smile when everything around you is going wrong... you're probably in the repair business!'

'Should we upgrade the levees or just go hydroponic?'

"Actually we were hoping for something a little more sensible..."

'It's the plumber ... '

Master Plumber

Official in flooded office says: 'A decision on lifting the hosepipe ban will be made in due course.'