Faux Philosopher Pillows

'Do you have any enemies?' - 'No, only a lot of friends who hate me.'

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

Emergency Phone.

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

The Three Kinds of People

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"I don't believe in egrets."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

Stephen Fry.

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'