Father Fascinated By Medieval Times Gifts

'I'm commuting your sentence - We'll still cut your head off, but we won't carry it around on a pike.'

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

Knight feeding his kids.

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

"The knights of the round accent table"

Joust Sharpener

"What the hell took so long?"

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

TV jester.

"Oh great, the printer is down."

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

Knights of the bedside table.

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

'Good work pulling the sword from the stone. Now, how 'bout loosening the lid on the magic pickle jar?'

underwater knight

The Beard in the Stone

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'