Fate Jokers Pillows

'You're going to have an accident. Soon.'

Famous Last Words: "Whew! Well, at least the worst is behind us."

"Just for fun today we could fire some eggs around."

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

Photobooth Photobomb

Richard the Turd

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

Giggle.

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

"These days, everyone is lawyering up."

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

'I'd like a puppy who's cute, playful, and can shoulder a lot of blame.'

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

'Looks like the deer are moving out of these woods.'

"Mom said we're old enough to take care of you, so this is our new chain of command!"

"Oh that's just great! You remembered how to make fire. I'm so impressed!"

'I see you're not wearing clean underpants.'

'Ah! The great INDOORS!'

"Airbnb?"

'Second fastest gun in the west.'

A man squashed by a giant leaf

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"

"I'm just saying. . . it wouldn't have hurt to check the price of an airline ticket."

'And make sure you use the AUTOMATED teller, you old goat!'

"Is our fish fresh? Sure it is! My dad is just delivering the latest catch..."

'Now that we've got a new bull, is he the calf's stepfather?'

Pinata Pranks

You know you're middle aged...

"The bad news is climate change is for real. The good news is it will make the liberal left extinct by 2050."

I need something to hold my tummy in