Fate Laughers Pillows

Fortune teller sees sun in snowman's future.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Famous Last Words: "Whew! Well, at least the worst is behind us."

A Club Sandwitch.

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"Of all the wet cement, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks in mine."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

Lesbians for Christ

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

'What do you mean you're afraid of the dark? You're a nightcrawler.'

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

'I see you're not wearing clean underpants.'

'Second fastest gun in the west.'

"... And I think you should apologise to that palm reader for scoffing at her predictions."

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

Devils in hell bang on the ceiling as the angels upstairs are being too noisy.

'I'm beginning to think our flock has discovered the grass is greener the other side of the fence...'

"...and did you hear that bit about me always landing on my feet?"

"It's an unpretentious little eatery..."

'Give up wine, women, and if you still insist on song, take singing lessons, you're flat.'

"I was very relieved. I expected to spend eternity on hold."

'I'll give it to you straight - This disease is almost IMPOSSIBLE to pronounce.'

'Well, I guess it's not worth waiting for the bus any longer...'

'Your honor, we the jury have looked really hard out the window all day and would like to go home.'

'You're going to have an accident. Soon.'

'No, anything not specifically prohibited is NOT necessarily okay!'

God rolls dice

Woman returning from Weight Watchers - ""You're late - did you get detention?"

"If atheists don't repent, you'll burn in hell!"

"Birthday cards by age. 40, 50, 60, 70, I can't believe you're still alive."