Evolution Jokesters Pillows

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'Don't you hate it when they look BACK at you?'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'But it may be easier to understand the meaning of bioengineered life.'

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

"Ah - The 'Big Gang' theory."

'What are you talking about? ? how can you have half a quantum theory?'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.