Evolution Jokesters Pillows

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

"Do you think the birds like me?"

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Human Sex Chromosomes: Female/Male/Male Who Leaves Fly Open.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

You've determined the DNA genome for felines? What do you call it? "Helix the Cat".

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

'Don't you hate it when they look BACK at you?'

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

'But it may be easier to understand the meaning of bioengineered life.'

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

"Ah - The 'Big Gang' theory."

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'What are you talking about? ? how can you have half a quantum theory?'

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!