Fast-paced Job Enthusiast Gifts

'Your tests indicate that you have a very short attention span -- you should be either a short-order cook or a news anchorman.'

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

The world's most unemployable family

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

'Get out there and keep your job!'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"And someday, when you're a little further up the corporate ladder, maybe we'll let you meet J.R. himself!"

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

'Of course you can make a great career here! Look at me - when I started working, I was just called 'dude'. Now, only 25 years later, they call me 'MISTER dude'!'

"Tell us something we don't know."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

You are more than your job description.

'I'm willing to pay a hiring bonus to anyone who will hire me.'

'You don't have much of a work history, do you, Mr. Laren?'

"I may have exaggerated a bit about coming up with a cure for cancer."

'I see Charlie's moonlighting again.'

'You're not quite what we had in mind.'

"...I'm available for interview, at your convenience!"

'I'm a monarch, but I still pad my resume.'

Lying on your CV

'What training do I get?'