Fast Food Humorist Pillows

"Just wanted to make sure you said no mayo that way I'll know to give you extra."

'Let's go here. They do mice good.'

What's the difference between fast food and slow food?

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

The 5th Basic Food Group - Junk Food.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'The Burrito King.'

Dolphin friendly tuna

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Garlic Free Zone.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"