Fast Food Humorist Pillows

"Just wanted to make sure you said no mayo that way I'll know to give you extra."

'Let's go here. They do mice good.'

What's the difference between fast food and slow food?

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

The 5th Basic Food Group - Junk Food.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

Lesser known greek gods,

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

Dolphin friendly tuna

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'The Burrito King.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Garlic Free Zone.

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'