Fashionista Who Appreciates Irony Pillows

"Due to supply chain issues, we'll need to transport items via cargo shorts."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

'The Prom Dress: One Week Later'

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

'You should never wear a green parrot with a blue suit.'

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

"I don’t know, honey – sort of makes you look like a blockhead."

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

Perfection Troubleshootors.

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

"I hope there's nothing genetically modified in this."