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Sorry, coach. My mom says the other football pants are "too revealing."

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

Scot to a Greek: 'Love your outfit.'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Mind taking off your scarf.'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'I told him not to wear stretchy pants to dinner.'

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

Christmas sweater alternatives

"Overkill, dude."

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'Which fashion magazine do you recommend?'

Standardisation: "I don't understand...it fitted us OK!"

Beware of Dawg.

Son, you'll never be quick on the draw unless you pull your dang pants up.

"I'm never ready for sweater weather."

'You've had the eye exam. Now buy the t-shirt!'

A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing.

Chippunks

"Late Jurassic is so Retro..."

Social Struggles

A tailor measuring a jacket.

"It's off the rack. The guy on the rack doesn't need it anymore."

'You're never going to win any race in those platform shoes.'

"Hold on a minute, will you? I just want to see what color Charlie Rose's tie is tonight."

"Just think, someday we'll be considered 'retro'."

'I know we got the job, but trust me, ‘dress for success' always applies, even after the interview.'

"I want you to work late. Put on your overtime shoes."

"Apparently, the golf clothes and expensive golf clubs didn't help you play better."

"If my mother and father had wanted to see Yves Saint Laurent's initials on my possessions, one supposes they would have named me Yves Saint Laurent."

"How much more for pinstripes?"

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

Prosecco Drinker