Fashionably Challenged Pillows

"With all the tech handy, there's really no reason to be late, lost or out of style."

'I didn't get the job. They said I've not got enough determination.'

"It's parent's evening tonight, Dad. Lose the hoodie."

I like this one. Do you have it in blue?

"I’ll tell ya who’s got a ‘dark side’: my cat, that’s who. You should see what she did to my Manolo Blahnik pumps!"

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

I'm getting old, I spotted a couple of brown hairs among the punk.

The Surly Yoof

"I put my pants on the same as every other middle-aged person—in constant fear that the button will pop off under pressure."

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'Miss Smith, your wardrobe is playing havoc with my blood pressure.'

"I promise I won’t get upset. Just tell me why you chewed up her Chanel pumps."

'Why didn't you stop it?' - 'I didn't want to get my new gloves dirty.'

'We're not all that strict up here, but we DO ask that you comply with the dress code!'

'Uh Uh. No way am I sitting on those. That color is just wrong for me!'

"I'm alright, it's my hair...I need more hairspray."

"I am here on behalf of a concerned caller, why are you wearing shorts in winter?"

My tailor can't seem to accept the fact that I've grown as a person.

"Sorry you can't go in...no ties allowed"

Three Unwise Men

Man looks in changing room mirror and sees himself backwards.

'That sweater would fit you better if you would diet.' 'Okay, what colour should I dye it?'

"I believe young Lewis may be on to something."

"You're all confused again Edith. This is a SWEATER shop!"

"This place was a lot more fun before the dress code."

'Allergy Cafe - All you can Tolerate.'

"Music doesn't happen to be his strong point..."

'Did you wake up late this morning, Sally?'

"Give me five bucks for it. It just needs a little tuning."

'Pssst. Does my bum look big in this?'

'We must pick through lunch, sometime.'

Out-of-control-top pantyhose.

"Watch your shirt, dear."

How come they're making size 16 smaller these days?

'I'm sorry sir - you have to wear a jacket and tie.'