Fashion Fun-seeker Pillows

Man looks in changing room mirror and sees himself backwards.

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

I like this one. Do you have it in blue?

Born to be Mild.

I'm getting old, I spotted a couple of brown hairs among the punk.

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

Late Bloomers

'You should never wear a green parrot with a blue suit.'

'Consider it part of a stimulus package. Do a good job cleaning out the gutters and you get the hole box.'

"Trust me, boss, he knows his pies...he just needs more retraining."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Shooting - No. III

"Apparently 'the vest' is making a comeback..."

'I made a good living applying tattoos and a fortune removing them.'

"I'm telling you, you need to try interval hopping."

"I don't know...it's just not you."

"Do they make my feet look big?"

Figure 1. Termite queen maternity wear

Tandem cyclists

Tattoo Parlour: 'I brought the pig because I have no space left.'

Weight washers.

Dog Tattoo

Every morning, the 'who's gonna be first?' cold seat standoff.

'You need more exercise Mrs Pilchard. Why don't you take my dog for his walk?'

Beginner Level Escalators

"The DVD you want is on my right earlobe."

'Forget it, Bob, they're way to skinny!'

"Why can't summer last forever?"

'It says white man got a tattoo, in chinese.'

'Where are the jockey shorts?'

"I'm done - I only jog far enough to burn off the cheesecake I had for breakfast."

"The birds keep trying to get into my pants."

Author who wants his novel pierced.

"Everything goes right to my hips."

"My activity tracker is programmed to understand the need for cookie breaks."