Fashionable Ailment Seeker Gifts

"It's a very hip disease, so it's good that we caught it early, before everyone's talking about it."

wattle covers

Born to be Mild.

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

I'm getting old, I spotted a couple of brown hairs among the punk.

The Phyllis Diller Collection

"A guy in 'recovery' wants to buy your slippers."

"Apparently 'the vest' is making a comeback..."

Sharon's more of a do-it-yourselfer.

'I made a good living applying tattoos and a fortune removing them.'

"I got a chocolate bar and gum!" "What the #!@* is 'CBD oil'?!"

'I couldn't find your slippers. Will these do?'

Figure 1. Termite queen maternity wear

"You might consider new socks as well."

Tattoo Parlour: 'I brought the pig because I have no space left.'

Emo Snail

'Be honest, do I look that dorky?'

Dog Tattoo

"With all the tech handy, there's really no reason to be late, lost or out of style."

'Forget it, Bob, they're way to skinny!'

Flip This Housecoat

"Welcome to Smart Eating Weight Loss. We've changed our menu options... have you?"

'It says white man got a tattoo, in chinese.'

'Where are the jockey shorts?'

Giant Shoe Sale

'I didn't get the job. They said I've not got enough determination.'

"That's pork - the meat of the pig. It makes an excellent substitute for tofu."

Barbers Shop: 'I think we can manage the look you're after sir - just stand with your back against...'

Author who wants his novel pierced.

I didn't know you were keen on jogging!

Like my earrings? They're cellphones.

Edward stayed home, biding his time & waiting for the pipe smoking revival.

'£200, your husband will kill you! No way, I'll wrap it in brown paper and tell him I bought it in a jumble sale.'

Sid was regretting having a tattoo...all his mates now call him Popeye!

Turtle wearing bunny slippers.