Fashion-conscious Criminals T-Shirts

"I thought we agreed - no turtlenecks after spring."

"The Chicken: Just another body type that shouldn't be permitted to wear yoga pants."

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

"The robber was about 5' 11"...."

Hipster Police Department

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

'Emotional blackmail.'

'Just think Nigel, if you weren't wearing grey socks and sandals this could be romantic.'

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"Look, you took a huge fashion risk and it just didn't work out for you."

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

'George has decided to wear his electric blanket all the time.'

"OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!"

"What do you recommend for yellow teeth?"

"I've hired more attorneys. I call it the Layered Lawyer Look for Spring."

"I don't care if all your friends like that. You go back and put on some more insulation, young lady!"

This is a place of work, Harris. Go home and change.

'This is Hell, madam. Everything you try on will make your butt look big.'

"You're a grown man now, Vincent. Quit bringing me your money to launder."

Joe's Weight Gain: '...none of my good pants fit right now...but since we'll be sitting the whole time, I figures it wouldn't really matter...'

My tailor can't seem to accept the fact that I've grown as a person.

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

Hostage Taker on the Loose!

"The suspect was described as wearing totally pedestrian bluejeans, an indifferent gray sweatshirt, and a trucker's cap, without the slightest sense of irony."

"He has friends in high places!"

"Hello. I'm the bluebird of good taste and I seem to be lost."

'£200, your husband will kill you! No way, I'll wrap it in brown paper and tell him I bought it in a jumble sale.'