Fashion-conscious Criminals Pillows

"I thought we agreed - no turtlenecks after spring."

"The Chicken: Just another body type that shouldn't be permitted to wear yoga pants."

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

"The robber was about 5' 11"...."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

Hipster Police Department

'Emotional blackmail.'

'Just think Nigel, if you weren't wearing grey socks and sandals this could be romantic.'

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"Look, you took a huge fashion risk and it just didn't work out for you."

'George has decided to wear his electric blanket all the time.'

"With all due respect, instead of the phrase 'bank robbery,' we request the alleged incident be referred to as an 'Elmore Leonard moment!'"

'We don't care if you're ZZ Top, ties required for gentlemen.'

"OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!"

"I've hired more attorneys. I call it the Layered Lawyer Look for Spring."

"I don't care if all your friends like that. You go back and put on some more insulation, young lady!"

Look at all our kids' clothing! Sneakers made in Vietnam. Pants from China. Sweaters from Thailand. Sports gear from Macau! They don't need so much stuff!! One obvious rule will stop all this consumerism. Good idea! Kids! From now on

"What do you recommend for yellow teeth?"

Just look at the files --- and you call this organized crime!

My tailor can't seem to accept the fact that I've grown as a person.

'This is Hell, madam. Everything you try on will make your butt look big.'

This is a place of work, Harris. Go home and change.

Brace yourself, mom. Someone posted compromising photos of your son online. What? Show me! Warning they're gross. My little Teddy?! With a Justin Bieber haircut? Told you they were nasty.

Joe's Weight Gain: '...none of my good pants fit right now...but since we'll be sitting the whole time, I figures it wouldn't really matter...'

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

"You're a grown man now, Vincent. Quit bringing me your money to launder."

Hmm, no, I think I prefer something off the rack.

Hostage Taker on the Loose!

"The suspect was described as wearing totally pedestrian bluejeans, an indifferent gray sweatshirt, and a trucker's cap, without the slightest sense of irony."

"Hello. I'm the bluebird of good taste and I seem to be lost."

"You did good on the true or false part of your application, but your essay was a little weak."

I can assure everyone that this city is totally committed to apprehending the pants bandit!"