Farmyard Wit Pillows

You do realize he writes half his material on the toilet!

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

Dedication to excellence....

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

"Do kids eat free?"

"That's... yikes. I mean... what's even going on down there? Honey, I don't think a push-up bra is very flattering on you."

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

"Start talking."

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

So it's a short back and sides, but leave the horns!

"I call it 'Moona Lisa'."

It MUST be Valentines Day!

'The cow mooed, the pig oinked, the chicken clucked, I baaed and then we adjourned.'

'Gee, at these prices you'd think they would tie the feedbags on for you.'

'Mr. President, you have a phone call. It's the First Hen.'

"I get aroused when I see you in leather."

Tropical Cow Tank

"Dayum. She bootylicious."

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

Poultry Reading: 'Lo, Ye Sky, It Falls! Verily it does, watch ye out!'

"Farmer Jones has come back, and he's got a pin!"

'The effects of winter weather on the lambing season has disastrous side effects.'

I wonder if there's life as we know it on other planets.

'I can't take your call right now. Please leave a message after the peep.'

"Don't be alarmed, Lois, but there appears to be a pop-up thermometer protruding from your right buttock."